Author : Cassidy Summers
Empathy, the ability to know our feelings, and accurately sense the feelings of those around us, to help make positive connections around us. Empathy can be defined in many ways, this is just one of them. To empathize as someone wrote a long time ago, "Is to see with the eyes of another, to hear with the ears of another, and to feel with the heart of another."For the most part, the way we act, and express our feelings and emotions as adults, was learned when we were younger, from our childhood. This was usually taught to us by our parents, or care givers. Not knowing how to express your emotions, or having lack of communication skills, is a sign that you will have a hard time relating to other people around you. You can hear what people say, but if you don't know how to listen, then you can basically go tell the person you are talking to, that they can go talk to a brick wall, because that is what they are already doing with you. Remember hearing is done with our ears, listening is done with our heart. If you can really listen to a person, and take to heart what they say, then you will truly understand that person. Sometimes people hear what you are saying, but the whole time they are just running a sentence in their head, waiting for you to finish your sentence, so they can get their turn. These people are not empathetic.In my experiences, my lack of empathy has put me in a number of situations where I just wish I wasn't there. Especially with my girlfriend. Obviously good communication skills are a big part of relationships. If you can not empathize, and see the world through your partners eyes, there will be a lot of problems involved. Most people have different values, beliefs, religions, sexual preference, the list goes on. If you do not understand that your partners, or your friends, have the right to believe what they want. Then you are most certainly lacking in the empathy department. This does not mean that you have to agree with what they are saying, or believe what they say. You just have to understand that they have their beliefs, and you have yours.Good listening skills are key to having empathy and good communication. A good tool I learned from my anger management class with Dr Anthony Fiore, PH.D., straight from his anger management book, Anger management for the 21st century . "When you are talking to someone, imagine a video camera in the corner of the room recording your behavior,. Ask yourself, these questions. 'How am I looking right now?' 'How am I being seen from the viewpoint of other people?' 'Is the message im delivering the same one as they are receiving?'" The video camera tool works wonders. It has helped me to become a much better listener. Good listening is a way to build trust with others. Facial expression is a huge display of how you feel at that moment. Having the right facial expressions can really communicate how you are feeling. Touch is another very effective form of communicating your feelings. From handshakes with the guys, to hugs and kisses with the girls. There are many ways you can touch a person, to express how you feel. Eye contact is obviously an important part of communication. It shows that you are listening to what the person has to say. When I look into my girlfriends eyes, and we are talking, it almost feels like I looking right down into the depths of her heart. It is somewhat soothing to gaze into someone's eyes, Especially when you love them. I would avoid to much eye contact, you don't want to stab the person with your piercing eyes, but I would say more often then not, use eye contact. The tone of your voice is also a way to express yourself. Yelling when you are angry is a very bad way to communicate. If you know how to assertively communicate what you have to say, even if you are angry, you will get a lot farther then if you yell and scream, that gets you no where.There are some things you will need to get over to become more empathetic. A lot of times you are arguing with someone, because both of you think you are right, and the other person is wrong. This gets you no where. What are you waiting for? You want to find evidence that the other person is wrong, so you can prove them wrong, and in turn be right. Or, so you can be the "victor". Another thing you have to get over is, "what am I going to say next." Yes we are all guilty of this. As I stated earlier, we have a running sentence in our head, because we do not care what the person is saying. Perhaps we even want to tell a better story. Or maybe your version of the story is different and you want to prove them wrong? Impatient people usually do not even like to listen to what you have to say. Basically they want you to get to the point. If you get to the point they will miss important information about how you were feeling. How can they understand how you see the world if they can not even listen to your stories.Remember it is better to learn how to become an empathetic person. Your communication skills will only become better. You social awareness will only become better. Your ability to relate to other people and understand their point of views, will become much better. No one says changing is easy, but when you know there is something you need to change about yourself, taking the steps necessary is a good idea.
Keyword : Empathy, anger management, relationships.
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