Undoubtedly, the groom will want to choose a few good menâ€"often
his brothers, college buddies, and best friendsâ€"to carry out all
of the responsibilities traditionally assigned to the guys. Once
your fiancé has picked his team, he’ll have to give them a few
pointers on just what their roles and responsibilities are, so
here’s the lowdown.
A Friend in Deed
Let’s start with the best man (the head groomsman) since his
role is so crucial. The best man is an all-purpose kind of
guyâ€"friend, organizer, coach, confidantâ€"with a lot of
responsibilities.
In general, he must make sure that the wedding goes off without
a hitch. When the groom feels stressed, he is ready with
encouragement and a good sense of humor.
Traditionally, it is the best man who is in charge of organizing
the bachelor party and making all travel arrangements for the
bride and groom. He makes sure the groom and other groomsmen get
fitted for and pick up their formalwear. He is also expected to
supervise the other groomsmen and ushers, serve as an official
witness to the vows, safeguards the ring and marriage license
just before the wedding, and pay the clergyman’s fee (which the
groom quietly slips to him before the ceremony).
After the ceremony, he makes sure the wedding party lines up
properly for the "wedding parade" through town, if one is
planned. At the reception, he serves as the master of
ceremonies, proposes the first toast, and remains on hand to
ensure that all subsequent speeches are both short and sweet.
His final duty is to return all the rented tuxes.
INCIDENTALâ€"In case it should happen that several notable people
would like to offer a toast, here is the order of the speakers:
best man, groom’s dad, bride’s dad, groom, bride, maid of honor,
groom’s mom, bride’s mom, other friends and relatives.
And a Few Good Men
Of course, the other groomsmen or ushers are also important
members of the wedding party. The are, in effect, the couples
hospitality committee. Although groomsmen often do
double-dutyâ€"serving as ushers before and after the ceremonyâ€"in
may cases, at large weddings, for example, there are two sets of
men: groomsmen and ushers. (The general rule is one usher for
every 50 guests.) In these instances, it is the ushers who seat
the guests, and it is they who make the first impression on
guests as they arrive.
Ushers greet the guests and escort them on the proper side of
the church. As tradition would have it, when a female guest
arrives (whether she is alone or not), one of the ushers should
step forward, extend his right arm, and escort her to her seat,
followed by her spouse or date. (I am in favor of the more
modern sentiment which suggests that this approach is
incompatible with the whole concept of marriage and that the
husband should not be relegated to trailing behind this
temporary pair.)
Before walking toward the pews, the usher should ask which side
of the church she would like to be seated on, the bride’s or
groom’s. Generally, the right side of the church is reserved for
the guests of the groom. Her relatives and friends are usually
escorted to the right.
In a Jewish ceremony, this seating arrangement is reversed. And
if one side appears to be filling up and the other side has
noticeably few occupants, then this rule should be abandoned for
the sake of appearances.
Incidentally, in keeping with the spirit of the occasion, ushers
should not escort guests to their seats in total silence, as if
this were a solemn affair. This is a time for a few casual and
friendly, yet dignified and quiet remarks.
Pews are filled from front to back, leaving the first several
reserved for family members and close friends of the bride and
groom. Just minutes before the ceremony is scheduled to begin,
two of the ushers should escort the groom’s mother and then the
bride’s mother to their seats. After the ceremony, they escort
these ladies down the aisle.
It is the groomsmen who should be available to assist the
bride’s mother with any last minute details. Just before the
bride makes her entrance, they should unroll the aisle runner.
Another important duty of these men of chivalry is to arrange
for transportation of the bridesmaids to the wedding site.
After the ceremony, as everyone heads off to the reception, it
is their responsibility to ensure that no one is left behind.
And, because they are largely responsible for making sure that a
good time is had by all, they are expected to introduce guests
to each other.
Modern day armor
What the groomsmen wear is largely determined by the formality
or informality of the ceremony, and to a lesser extent by
considerations such as location and time of day.
These days, most grooms, groomsmen and ushers rent their
formalwear. The groom and his men should order their tuxes at
least three months before the wedding. If possible, they should
select a local shop, just in case last minute alterations are
needed.
The groom and his men usually wear the same attire. To set
himself apart, the groom may select a different colored tie,
vest, pocket square, or boutonniere.
Sometimes the groom will present a memorable gift, such as
cufflinks, studs or, if he can afford to splurge, monogrammed
shirts, to be worn by these men of honor at the wedding. Given
all that they are expected to do, the groom should indeed go out
of his way to show his appreciation, even in advance, for a job
well done.
© Copyright 2005 Bachcroft.com. Permission to reprint this
article, as is, is granted as long as the proper attribution
(author's biography) is given and all active hyperlinks remain
intact.
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